Jay Sean……C’mon Son!!!! I can’t let this one slide no matter how much fun I had on the road with you and young Bikram a couple of years back. Worst of all when someone noticed how bad of a wanna-be-Prince ’1999′ remake this was they asked label mate Nicki Minaj to jump on and even she couldn’t save it. I’m sorry my dude I bought the last album when you released it in the UK, then again when you did the india version, and then AGAIN when you did the US version, BUT this song I CANNOT tolerate and is unfortunately one of the worst songs of the year so far.

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If this is the first single off the new record I cringe at what I am about to experience. Is Jay’s career already going ‘doooowwwwnnn’????? I refuse to believe it…..Jay….C’mon Son!!!!

R Kelly gets more and more cartoonish everyday. Just when you think he has discovered every possible metaphor for sex, he surprises you with the direct approach: a song called Pregnant and lyrics like “if i had a girl she’d be the one to bear my child” and “she’s more than a mistress, I’m about to handle my business and put that girl in my kitchen.”

The adlibs for this song are “knock you up, knock you up”!!!! AND it features R&B’s current top woman beater Chris Brown. If that doesn’t make your skin crawl, nothing will.

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This is a remix… yes… there is an original. Hooray!

This song is so obviously derivative it is insulting. It has the synthline from Goodies, Teairra Mari’s money-hungry attitude from Sponsor, the one-two drum pattern from every track Swizz Beatz has ever produced ever, a chorus that almost exactly mirrors Single Ladies, an almost encyclopedic collection of rap song cliches (black card, wood grain, ride low, drinks on me, dead wrong, see me in the club, ladies get with me) Geez…

There is not a SINGLE original idea in here!

Oh Ciara, if your legs weren’t so long, and your ass so shapely, and your weave so did, and your boobs so boobalicious, we’d have lost our patience with you a long time ago.

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This is slated to be on her upcoming Basic Instinct album, and on our Worst Songs of 2010 list

Usher is way too young to sound this desperate, and far too accomplished a singer to revert to this much electronic gimmickry.

This is what happens when you spend too much time with Will.I.Am. You get sucked into his vortex of pop mediocrity and forget you are an actual SINGER.

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Listening to this (and OMG, his last single) is like riding a merry-go-round. The feeling of actually going somewhere is just an illusion, and a poor one at that. In the end all you are left with is a sick feeling in your stomach and a vague sense of disappointment.

Juvenile proves that genius and insanity are indeed two sides of the same coin. Just over a decade ago he released ‘Back that ass up’ and it was horny and brilliant. Now he has released this song, ‘That ass’ and it is just horny.

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In 1999, his ode to the ass sounded like the comic overtures of an over-stimulated teenager. Now Juvenile, who is in his mid-thirties, just sounds like that leery uncle, who you avoid at barbecues, and at whose house your kids will never have a sleepover.

The lady who’s voice was once arguably the most influential in R&B sounds so desperate on this re-worked version of that awful ‘Bedrock’ track.

‘Track Hot’ is full of hip-hop cliches like: “doing what it do” and the “game needs me” and so on, and they would be excruciating enough, but she goes even further and produces desperatly bad lines like “dropping a heat rock” (haha!).

She drops a heat rock with an artist called Deuce… It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.

I’m assuming this weak bulls*&t will appear in some mixtape at some point. Personally I hope it just disappears.

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(I’ve been weeping on the inside since I found this on XclusivesZone.)

Never thought I’d say this, but play me some Young Money please.

Once upon a time Kelis was the most quirky artist in R&B. Quirky in a good way. You expected a Kelis record to be funky; you expected it to be a little left-field; you expected it to be good.

But today, that quirky Kelis has morphed into a desperate tabloid hound, more famous for her outgrageous alimony demands than for her music. Too harsh, you say? Well listen to this leak off her upcoming album:

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(Found on dajaz1)

’4th of July’ is so middle-of-the-road boring that you’d be forgiven for nodding off while listening.

Nas is probably sitting in a sparsely-furnished one-bedroom apartment somewhere in Queens, re-tooling “Thief’s theme”, and wishing his ex-wife would make music that people would buy.

To paraphrase Barry from High Fidelity:

Top 5 musical crimes perpetrated by Quincy Jones, go… Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins… is it better to burn out or fade away?

Quincy Jones is releasing an album sometime this spring. (Yay!) It’s going to be a remix album. (Booo!) It will feature, among others, Ludacris, T-Pain and Akon. (Doh!).

The first single of this album is Strawberry Letter 23. Depending on your age (and level of music addiction) you might be familiar with the 1992 Tevin Campbell version:

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Or the 1977 Brothers Johnson version:

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Or the original version by Shuggie Otis from his 1972 album, Freedom Flight:

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And now, Lord help us, Akon has had a go:

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(via OnSmash)

This is not so much a remix as it is a remake, and a poor one at that. It is so bland and formulaic it is insulting. It is plainly obvious that someone ,somewhere has done some number crunching: take one classic song, add one legendary producer, add one current Billboard chart regular and voila! You are guaranteed fool some people into buying a few records.

The Brothers Johnson version of this song is still the best. I do not blame Akon. He got offered an opportunity to work with a legend and he took it, anyone would. But Quincy… I know it is bad manners to criticize a legend, but puh-lease. You, sir, should know better.

Good day, sir… I say good day!

(Ed- Tevin Campbell also did a version of Strawberry Letter 23 on his 1992 T.E.V.I.N album. Many thanks to TenFour for the reminder.)

Ciara will have a long career doing this type of track. It is a nothing song, pleasant enough to listen to, but instantly forgettable.
She is the Anna Kournikova of R&B: she’s great to look at, but there’s not much to sink your teeth into… metaphorically speaking, of course. In truth she has a lot we would like to sink our teeth into. She has a lot we would like sink other bits of our anatomy into as well. In fact maybe she should stick around for a while. Maybe she can sing.

*Snap out of it!*

Dammit! She did it again. Damn her and her perfect little body!

Ok, quickly, while I still have my senses. The facts behind this ‘Speechless’ song: it is produced by Tricky Stewart, it features The Dream, it’s going to be on her upcoming fourth album, it is an slow, R&B grinder type of track, it’s about… um… ah… it’s about a dog I think… and the dog dies… and there is a donkey in there somewhere I think… ah screw it! Who cares about the song? Who cares what she is saying? Who cares her voice is so thin it could give you a paper cut?

Speechless.

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(The song is via Rap Up. The picture is from a 2008 Vibe photoshoot. There are more here. You’re welcome)

R Kelly often hits the right spot, and we all love him for it. But he also sometimes misses, and when he does he misses hard. There is nothing more painful to sit through than an unsexy sex song.

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(via Fader)

Sounds to me like Kells is trying to connect with the kids on this one, and the result is a little dirty (and not in a good way), a little perverse (and not in a good way), and a little boring.

The My Type of Hype reaction is lukewarm to cold, with one outlier:

1. Ahmed : شولانجواجي [Ed: I think that means "3 week shelf life"]
2. Seif al Din: Nope
3. Patrick : Typical&Great
4. DJ Kwest_on : MISLEADING (hard + hot + weak + soft + pink-sneakers + huff. All in THAT order).
5. VonSwayne : Standard
6. Steve Hart: ehh [Ed: This is an 'ehh' for apathy, I assume]
7. Jeff : Why?

.

The verdict:

Looks like we are still looking for the first weekly song we all like. Ah well.

By the way, isn’t it great that R Kelly is wearing an R Kelly shirt in that picture? Keep it classy Kells.